Barbarian 2 Read online

  Creepe is busy making a fire as the powerful Cookie Monster approaches, holding the boomercan by the neck, which is the respectful way that the Drandroka honor the dead beasts.

  “The song is sung?” Creepe asks in a mocking tone.

  “It is sung.”

  “Did you dance like a baby granu while you sang?” he asks with a laugh.

  Cookie Monster feels his soum thumping in his chest. His face must be a dark shade of blue with all of the rage that he is feeling.

  “Have you no respect?” the powerful Cookie Monster asks as he sits down, preparing to skin the boomercan. “You do not respect the boomercan who gives his life for our lunch. You do not respect the Saku who slays the many fanged beasts. Will you have respect for the missing pink Sandroka if you find her?”

  Creepe grins as he looks at Cookie Monster. “The ugly pink Sandroka does not need Creepe’s respect. She will need the mighty Creepe’s towering cock. That is all. And that is all she will get.”

  The swift wind changes course and both Creepe and Cookie Monster drop what’s in their hands and stand up, ready to fight. Creepe pulls out the bone knife on his belt as Cookie Monster cocks an arrow, ready to let it soar.

  The smell is the vile scent of the many fanged beast. Not the large one that the Saku called the T-Rex. A smaller one, but faster and just as deadly.

  The fire is already set up and ready to be lit but to stay here and light it would be most unwise. The many fanged beasts are fast and they know that where there’s smoke, there are Drandroka.

  The powerful Cookie Monster and Creepe back away slowly, until they hear another noise.

  An unfamiliar noise.

  It is the sound of a Sandroka. But the Sandroka don’t make such noises. It is the sound that a charging Drandroka male makes during war time. The sound of murder.

  But it is not a Drandroka. It is not even a Roka.

  She makes sounds in the language of Avery. It is beautiful and Cookie Monster yearns to hear more.

  “You want to fuck with me?” she sings. “Come on! I’ll show you who you’re fucking with!”

  Her words are like the songs of the ilopore, elegant and unique.

  The powerful Cookie Monster stops but Creepe keeps moving backward, away from the sound. Cookie Monster turns in shock.

  “Where are you going?” he asks as he glides his finger over the feathers of his arrow.

  Creepe frowns. “She has as much chance as a lilobite in a ganushes’ cave. The many fanged beast will tear her open before we can arrive.”

  But Cookie Monster has to try. If this pink Sandroka is a friend of the Saku, then the powerful Cookie Monster will die to protect her.

  “Come, Pontuck,” Creepe says as he backs away. “Do not go to the Land of the Nevatrun early over an ugly pink Sandroka.”

  “Cookie Monster’s name is Cookie Monster,” he says as he stalks forward leaving the cowardly Creepe behind him.

  He rushes through the forest, leaping over roots of the raterou bush and ducking under branches of the enger tree, all while keeping his arrow ready in his bow.

  The swift Cookie Monster’s soum is hammering like a mandashee in his chest as he runs forward. The chirping of the many fanged beast weakens his legs but not his resolve. He rushes forward to save the Saku’s friend in need.

  When he sees her, he freezes.

  The powerful Cookie Monster was not expecting this. She is a warrior Sandroka, unlike anything that he has ever seen. Her arms are hard with beautiful muscles, the veins running over them like the roots of the soukat tree. Her stomach is lean and carved with ridges like the rock valley that is a day’s walk from the village.

  Her skin is pink like the Saku Avery’s, but more beautiful. Her hair is as black as the night sky and her eyes are as bright as the third sun. She is wondrous.

  But in danger.

  The many fanged beast approaches with his head low and his deadly mouth open. He chirps at her but she does not run in fear. She growls back at him, thrusting the stick in her hands at him.

  Why does she have a stick? Doesn’t she know that the stick from the enger tree will break if she hits the many fanged beast with it?

  The beast chirps again as he takes a step forward. The pink Sandroka stares at the beast as she circles to the side.

  “You calling your friends?” she sings in a gorgeous voice that makes Cookie Monster’s eyes water. “You scared, you little pussy? That’s the first smart thing I’ve seen you do all week.”

  The many fanged beast rushes forward and to Cookie Monster’s surprise, so does the pink Sandroka.

  She slides to the ground as they meet, thrusting her stick up under his belly where the flesh is the softest. It’s not soft enough, though, and the stick snaps.

  The swift Cookie Monster does not want to see what happens next so he lets his arrow fly. Then another. Then another.

  Three arrows. All land in the many fanged beast’s chest. All competing for room in his dying soum.

  The beast’s eyes close and he falls to the side with a thud, landing on the beautiful pink Sandroka’s leg. She throws her head back and winces as she grabs her muscular thigh.

  Cookie Monster emerges from the forest to help. It is time to claim this pink Sandroka as his own. As his mate.

  She will be his forever and forever. As long as the six moons fly in the sky.

  Her eyes widen like a reqor flower when she sees the arrows of Cookie Monster in the many fanged beast’s soum.

  The pink Sandroka turns and gasps when she sees the swift and powerful Cookie Monster approaching. She tries to move the beast to come and give her new mate her sweet and delicious culip but the many fanged beast is too heavy.

  So she sings to her new mate instead.

  “What the fuck are you?” she sings in a glorious voice. She pulls out an arrow from the soum of the beast and holds it out for Cookie Monster to take. She is thoughtful and kind. Cookie Monster loves her already.

  “You take one more step and I’m going to make you into an alien brochette, you got that?”

  Cookie Monster could listen to her magnificent voice all day. She is pure magic.

  He takes a knee beside her and reaches out to his new mate, excited to claim her. She snarls like a wicker as he reaches out to take back his arrow.

  She gives him back his arrow.

  But not the way that Cookie Monster was expecting.

  three

  “I warned you!” I scream as I thrust the arrow forward, shoving it into the big blue palm that’s reaching out to me.

  The alien jumps back with a grunt, staring at his hand in horror. His arrow is sticking out of it looking like a sixth finger.

  He’s an alien with alien features but the look of betrayal on his face is unmissable. I almost feel bad for a second.

  “Stay back!” I warn as I grab another arrow from the dead velociraptor’s chest and thrust it at him. He flinches, his mouth falling open as he stares at me with wide eyes.

  Fuck, I hate this planet.

  I glance down at the arrow in my clenched hand. There’s a sharpened rock fastened to the end of the stick with lines of colorful feathers sticking out of the back. This alien dude is wearing an animal skin loincloth and he has a bow in his hand. It’s my first view of an intelligent creature on this fucking planet and I’ve already made an enemy out of him.

  “Just keep your distance,” I warn as I place my free foot on the body of the velociraptor and try to push it off. It won’t fucking budge. And it’s crushing my leg.

  I drop the arrow on the ground and use both of my hands and free leg to try and push it off but I can’t make it move more than an inch. I’m weaker than normal. All I’ve been eating are those nasty tasting bugs that I found crawling under the rocks in the cave.

  I’m breathing heavy and I’m already exhausted as I slump back down with the dead velociraptor still on my leg.

  The alien is still staring at his hand, watching it with horror as pink b
lood starts pouring out of the wound and leaking down his arm.

  He looks so strange. His skin is blue. Fucking blue. I shouldn’t be so surprised because everything on this cursed planet is more colorful than on earth, but blue skin? It still catches me off guard and I can’t help but stare.

  His hair is a darker shade of blue and it’s tied up in a bun on top of his head. His face looks human enough but his chin is wider, like a heavyweight boxer who has developed a thick chin after a lifetime of taking punches to it. His nose is narrow and long, and his eyes a stunning turquoise. I can’t stop staring at him.

  I’ve seen a lot of jacked guys in the many gyms that I’ve hung around in my life, but he is jacked. Thick sinewy muscles on his huge arms and a big broad chest. A big broad blue chest.

  His abs have abs. I would kill to see this guy’s work out regime. What he does for exercise. What he eats for his diet.

  He probably eats earthling women.

  Well, he’s not eating me.

  My heart starts pounding as he closes his eyes and grips his thick blue fingers around the arrow sticking out of his palm, courtesy of me. He takes a deep breath, holds it, and yanks it out with a grunt.

  I’ve seen a lot of blood in my day but I still have to turn away. It’s gushing out of him, tip tapping onto the dirt as he shoves the arrow back into the quill strapped to his back.

  He moves forward and I pick up the arrow by my side and thrust it back at him. Did I say intelligent life? On second thought, this guy is not too fucking smart.

  “Stay back,” I say again, holding the arrow up. “I’ll turn your body into Swiss cheese, I swear.”

  His hand darts out in a blur and he snaps the arrow out of my hand and shoves it back into his quiver in one fast fluid motion.

  I yank out the third and last arrow from the chest of the velociraptor but before I can thrust it at him he grabs it out of my hand and makes it disappear behind his back.

  “Oh shit,” I whisper as I cock my fists in front of my face. And I thought I was fast.

  He lunges forward and I let my right hand fly, cracking my fist with a thunderous punch on his chin. He just shakes off my best punch and reaches past me, placing his two open palms on the dead dinosaur on my leg. With a grunt, he pushes it over and I snap my leg back, finally free.

  I jump up but collapse back down to the ground when my leg gives out. Shit. I’m hurt pretty bad.

  He takes his hand off the velociraptor’s ribs and there’s a bloody hand print where his right hand was pressing. He turns slowly and looks me over, checking for something.

  I squeeze my hands into fists and hold them up. I might not be able to move on my legs but I can still defend myself. My parents didn’t drive me across town to all of those boxing, wrestling and MMA classes for nothing.

  “Just stay back,” I warn as I try to shake out my leg. It was numb at first but now the feeling is starting to come back and I’m immediately wishing for the numbness once again. It’s fucking throbbing.

  He cradles his wounded hand to his chest and slowly reaches out for my leg with his good one. “Greanash tookaretie vulon oi qualuset?”

  “Just stay back,” I repeat. I don’t want this guy’s blue hands anywhere near me.

  I’ve seen nothing but horrible things from every alien that I’ve run into ever since that blue light ripped me out of the aisle of the movie theater. I was dragged to a movie that I didn’t even want to see by my sister-in-law when the ceiling ripped open and a UFO began sucking people up.

  The aliens on board looked like children-sized praying mantises and I managed to kill all three of the pilots, and with the help of two friends and the galaxy’s most annoying robot, we landed on this planet where we immediately got chased by a Tyrannosaurus Rex and got separated. So yeah, I’m not trusting any aliens no matter how good looking they are.

  He draws his hand back but continues to stare at my leg. There’s a little cut from where the back of my leg scraped on the ground but I’ve had much worse. But he keeps staring at it with his massive chest rising and falling as he takes deep breaths.

  “Wait,” I say as he turns and hurries away.

  He stops and looks at me over his shoulder. “Soukee?”

  His back is a work of art. I could spend my whole life in the gym only taking breaks to shoot steroids into my ass and never even come close to looking like that. His back is pure muscle. It doesn’t even look real.

  “Where are you going?”

  Now that I’m fairly sure that he’s not a danger for the moment, I’m starting to wish that we had started on a different foot.

  He did save my life by killing the velociraptor, even though I still think that I would have won that fight, and he could have killed me easily when I was pinned under the dinosaur but instead he helped me out.

  And what did I do?

  Scream at him. Threaten him. Stab him in the hand with an arrow.

  Yeah, that sounds like me.

  “Juju requitera bunco olika,” he says.

  “Oh,” I say with a nod. “Well, have fun. Thanks for killing the velociraptor but it wasn’t necessary. I was just about to finish him off when you came.”

  He grunts as he turns and disappears into the forest.

  This planet keeps getting weirder and weirder.

  I grab my broken spear off the ground and push up to my feet, grimacing as my leg throbs under me. I guess its back to the cave for me. At least until this leg heals.

  A meteor slams into the ground in the distance and I nearly have a heart attack. “Fuck!” I scream at the direction of the sound. “I hate that shit!” It scares me every time. As if this planet wasn’t bad enough, it has meteors raining down on it all hours of the day.

  I glance back at the dead velociraptor before dropping to my hands and knees at the entrance of the cave. It probably would have been better if he got me. What kind of life is this? Hiding in a cave and eating bugs like a rat.

  I was going to be the UFC’s bantamweight woman’s champ. The recruiter said that if I won one more fight they would have given me a chance. I was two weeks away. Two. Weeks. Away. From making my dreams a reality. A few months away from fighting on the biggest stage in the world.

  It would have been epic.

  Now I’m stuck on this harsh alien planet. Alone. Tired. And now hurt.

  “Juju,” a voice calls out as I duck my head into the entrance to the cold damp cave.

  I pop back out and my heart speeds up when I see the blue alien come rushing back holding a large red leaf in his good hand.

  What the hell is he doing?

  He rushes over and drops to a knee beside me. He really is beautiful, whatever he is.

  His brow is pulled tight as he stares at the cut on my leg with a concentrated look on his face. I’m no longer scared, more curious than anything. If he wanted to hurt me he would have done it before now.

  He cracks the thick stalk of the leaf and squeezes out a clear gel onto his finger. “Juju,” he says as he shows me the glob of gel on his fingertip. “Juju hurtera caseee.”

  “You know I can’t understand you, right?” I ask as he gently rubs the gel over the cut on my leg. The stinging stops immediately. So does the bleeding.

  “Wow,” I say, as he grabs my leg in a firm grip and turns me, looking for more cuts. “Ow!” God, he’s strong.

  “What about you?” I ask looking at his hand. He’s cradling it against his chest and it’s covered in blood now. This guy has a hole in his hand but he’s way more concerned with the scrape on my leg.

  I slowly reach forward and take his wounded hand in mine. “Oh shit,” I whisper when he opens his fingers. I really did a number on him. “I’m sorry. You just caught me at a bad time.”

  He’s holding his breath as he watches my face. I just ignore the heated gaze that he’s melting me with and focus on his palm. There’s so much blood.

  “Is this going to work on you?” I ask as I crack open the stalk of the red leaf and squee
ze out some gel onto my finger.

  He stares at my lips as I talk and when I look back to his hand my cheeks are as pink as the blood leaking down his arm. I smear it over the entrance and the exit of the wound and he exhales long and hard. The bleeding stops almost immediately but it still needs to be wrapped up.

  “Hold on,” I say, ripping a strip of fabric from my t-shirt. It’s my only shirt but it’s the least I can do. I skewered the poor guy and all he was trying to do was save my life.

  “Here you go,” I whisper as I wrap the fabric around his hand. The blood and gel soak through the thin material making it stick to his skin. I tie a tight knot and sit back.

  He stares at the bloody fabric and smiles. The sight is so unexpected that it startles me. The smile. It’s so human. I wasn’t expecting it.

  “You can smile?” I ask, watching him curiously. I start to wonder about him. Are there more aliens like him? Does he have a family? A village? What other life forms are on this planet?

  He grunts something that I don’t understand as he waves me towards the dead dinosaur. It’s clearly dead but I still get the chills as I limp over there. I don’t want to be anywhere near that thing.

  The alien pulls out a knife that looks like it’s made of bone and slices a chunk of meat off of the velociraptor’s leg. My stomach groans as he shows me the lean meat. No bugs for me tonight.

  “Ulat,” he says, waving me to follow him as he hurries away.

  My leg is still hurting and I can manage to walk on it but not nearly that fast. I’m struggling to keep up when he returns with a concerned look on his face. He sees me limping and frowns.

  “I just need a few minutes to shake this out,” I say, biting my bottom lip. “I got this.”

  He steps forward, clearing a far distance with his long gait and scoops me up in his arms. “What the-” He tosses me over his shoulder like he’s some kind of caveman and I’m his new toy, which I guess he is, and which I guess I am.

  “Put me down!” I order but he doesn’t listen. He just places his strong hand on my lower back, holding me in place as he walks off.

  At least I get a perfect view of his back. The muscles ripple as he moves and it doesn’t take long to make me think of dirty thoughts.